‎[Science News] 
- Silly cloning experiment sees scientist make a fool of himself

[Source]

‘plot twist i never met your mother you were adopted now go to bed’
- 2,620 notes (author - some guy, I don’t know).

Looking forwards to the final episode of How I Met Your Mother:
‘Anyway, I’m gay and you’re illegally adopted. I met your birth mother once.’
- 6 notes (author - me).

The world is horrible and unfair.  

If you are struggling to care about your exam, put on the James Bond theme tune and pretend to be a spy memorising information for a cover story. 

When that is complete, wear a shirt and blazer to the exam itself, where you can pretend to be infiltrating the Soviet Union.

Treat all around you as enemies or Bond girls.

Success guaranteed. 

‎’Metaphor possesses an “untranslatableness in words of the same language without any injury to the meaning… [The poet] diffuses a tone and spirit of unity, that blends, and (as it were) fuses, each into each, by that synthetic and magical power, to which we have exclusively appropriated the name of imagination. This power reveals itself in the balance or reconciliation of opposite or discordant qualities: of sameness, with difference; of the general, with the concrete; the idea, with the image; the individual, with the representative; the sense of novelty and freshness, with old and familiar objects.”’

Studying English is a horrible, frustrating, and creativity-numbing experience. I recommend it only to self-hating sadomasochists.

I write here, and so do some other witty humans. It’s all good fun. 

And, as a bonus, there are only a few references to Nazism.

www.breadandcrows.wordpress.com 

 

breadandcrows:

Chris Jackson previews This Is My Ham, the first social networking site for meat.

Since designing the Facebook logo for Mark Zuckerberg, I’ve constantly been approached by various startups begging me for my help and expertise. A few weeks ago, Matthew Ogle, co-founder of social music sharing site This Is My Jam…

This is the latest project from bread&crows, who you can (and should) follow on the Twitter if you’re feeling modern.

I hope, as per usual, that I pass.

If I don’t, I can at least rely on the finite nature of human experience, and indeed of the universe itself, to eventually erase all traces of my failings.

(Family motto). 

‘Welcome to Cardiff: You’ll have a Wales of a time.’

Job please, Cardiff council.

[Sauce] 

If ever you’re worried that your hopes and aspirations might be a little bit naive, just remember: 

Some people think they’ll be going to Heaven when they die. 

[X] 

Me: Who’s your favourite James Bond?
Brother: Um… the, uh… the cricket one.
Me: The Fifth Doctor?
Brother: Oh. 

  

breadandcrows:

Before Lana Del Rey was a musician, she was a puppeteer in the 1950s.

In this photograph, Del Rey showcases her least popular characters, Porcelain Pooch (a silent dog, paralysed by fear of nuclear armageddon) and Smokin’ Worm (a self-styled rockabilly twig with a giant grey quiff).

‎[Film News]
- 007 fans pleasantly surprised by announcement that George Lazenby will return as James Bond in Skyfall

[Source]

But, from the information and GIF images floating by on the sickly canals of Tumblr, I think I understand the plot.

Allow me to explain my perception of what The Avengers is all about.

 

Loki, as far as I can tell, is supposed to a villain. Is he the brother of larger-than-life glam rock action figure Thor? I think he is. Thor’s parents adopted him.

So Loki, with the hairstyle of an ocean floor BP pipeline accident, is the villain of the piece. He… wants to destroy the world, or New York, or something.

But, luckily for the world, or New York, there’s a group of superheroes knocking about. Robert Downey Jr. is Tony Hawk, or whatever, and he slips into a chunky metal ketchup-and-mustard basque to become the mysteriously named Iron Man. Can fly.

Another man, I think it’s Jeremy Kyle, plays a 21st century Robin Hood, and travels exclusively via the medium of jumping and scowling. 

Robin Hood brings me on to Black Widow, the flame-haired female of the group. Apparently people ‘ship’ Robin Hood and Black Widow, which is like having a wet dream but whilst conscious. Portrayed by Scarlett Johansson, Black Widow wears an outfit peeled off the body of one of the androids from 1982 Doctor Who adventure ‘Earthshock’. Robin Hood checks her out on set. 

I’ve already spoken about Thor. He fell out of Norse mythology, or rock band Iron Maiden, and joined the gang. He’s got a ridiculous hammer that looks like a plastic toy from the special Halloween aisle Tesco have in October.

Republican candidate and angry soccer mascot Captain America is also there. Don’t know much about him, except that he seems to wear a suit made of Haribo wrappers and blind patriotism rendered physical. Probably racist.

And, last and definitely least, the Hulk. The Incredible Hulk, if you’re easily pleased. What is he? An off-colour Sylvester Stallone. He looks like a steroid-packed 1980s reptilian war criminal. I think he flirts with Iron Man.

Also Samuel L. Jackson as a future pirate.

Anyway, the Hulk smashes Loki into the ground at some point. Possibly at the end of the film. I think this is supposed to be a victory, but I can’t be sure because of the loving cartoons drifting about the Tumblrverse, all of which depict Loki as being some sort of overgrown helpless baby with the face of a pale, frightened lion cub. 

Anyway, that’s what I think The Avengers is about. I’d give it a 7/10.

 

Looking forwards to the final episode of How I Met Your Mother:

‘Anyway, I’m gay and you’re illegally adopted. I met your birth mother once.’

Today I remembered that I’ve got an exam later this week.

But, also today, Charlie Brooker and Ricky Gervais replied to me on the Twitter. 

Satisfaction-with-life balance restored.

(If anyone’s interested, Charlie ‘would love to’ write dialogue for Andy Nyman again, and Ricky’s favourite philosopher is Bertrand Russell).